I took this first picture and sent it to John when I got all settled on the bus from Los Angeles to San Jose. I was looking forward to getting 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep when a washed up druggie musician started up a conversation when he noticed my book from across the aisle and I said "Sure, you can sit here." when he asked because the bus was starting to fill up. The one-sided conversation lasted about 6 hours. He told me he loved me and I told him he looked like Robin Williams. I liked the woman I met on the first bus much better. She was middle-aged, her name was Viola and she was much nicer and I caught her life story at a happy moment, even though there were many many unhappy moments.
When I arrived at Santa Cruz, my aunt kissed me and hugged me and I loved her chubby body because her hugs were complete. I'd never spent much time with her before but I already felt like she was my mother. Her apartment was small and messy but it felt like a home. When she showed me the kitchen she said "Just leave the dirty dishes there. If they start to bother someone, they'll be washed." I always washed them. She loves easily and smiles more than anyone I know. I'm glad I was there with her in such a beautiful place.
On the second day I was there, I explored one of the many beaches. Here I fell asleep on my tummy and now the back of my legs are 10 shades lighter than the rest of my body. There seemed to be only one other lone person on the beach among many groups and I hoped we would start a conversation about the books we were reading and the cigarettes we smoked but that only happens in the movies.
The parts in this poem that require an image of a companion, or a lover, make me think of John.
My aunt let me stay in San Francisco with Ellie and Alan for a night and I had a lot of fun. Their generosity and relationship with each other is something I probably won't ever forget.
I bought several things at a little antiques fair I caught before a movie downtown.
On one of my last few days in Santa Cruz I decided to go for a walk and found my way to the nearest beach. It was really lovely.
Then my aunt Sarah and I joined my family on a camping trip in Tahoe. I took this in the morning in between two tents and two sleeps. I woke up from the tent and tiny mattress I shared with my auntie, put my glasses on, went to pee in the woods, noticed the light, got my camera and took the picture, went inside my parents tent and fell back to sleep in there.
Back in the desert.
It's now almost 4 AM. I wrote this a couple of hours ago, and I don't even think I really remember what it says. I won't read it again, I don't think.
Goodnight John, I love you!