Somewhere Else

"But now I just can't help myself
I really really wish I could be somewhere else
Than here
You give me everything I need
but I really really wish I could be somewhere else
Than here"

We went to California over the weekend to visit the whanau, because my Auntie is here from The Philippines which means I don't get my room for a whole week and have to sleep on the couch. It's fine, really. The laptop is close-ish right?

So, we left Vegas on Friday night around 7. Right after papa finished work. Right after. Like we literally got everything ready in the afternoon, and then went to pick him up at "The Mirage" (oooohh fancy shmancy) and then he got in the drivers seat and started the 4 hour drive to Los Angeles, or to be more exact El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Poriuncula. Hell yeah, I got maad skillz.

Arrived at my Uncles house around 12-ish. I went straight to sleep after sucky "Maps" singing on Rock Band. On Saturday we left the house at 10 and drove almost an hour or two to Santa Barbara. Or at least, thats what I think we went. Correct me if I'm wrong. We went to the beach (as you'll see soon enough) and I had tons of fun and felt right at home in the wind. The whole trip I had the most bizarre feelings of deja vu, like I've been here already. The beach looked like Petone beach, the Coastline looked like Kapiti Coast or whatsit and the vineyard that we went to later in the day looked like Palmerston North. I missed everything.

When we got home it was almost 10pm and one of my lil kiddy cousins fell asleep smack-bang in the middle of the couch. It was tres adorable. Then we had a wonderful dinner consisting of lobster, which my Auntie brought over from Boston, and steak my Uncle made, and this shrimp-ish thing my papa cooked. Then I went outside and enjoyed petting my Uncle's dog Rocky. This HUGE, gigantic, big, fluffy, sweet, darling thing of a dog. He had the most beautiful eyes and we stared at each other and I found myself kissing his wet nose multiple times. That dog sure does need a bath though.

My Uncle is immensely into photography. He has this humongous digital SLR that must have cost him thousands. My Mama told him that I'm taking photography at school and he showed me some of his pictures and I must say that I'm quite proud of the guy I used to, and still do, call "Daddy". The reason being because he is my Mama's little brother and he kind of felt like a father figure to me when I was smaller. Or so they say. Now, I don't really know. But back to the photography business. He wants me to be good at photography, so that if he ever decides to start his own business I can be his right-hand-man.He wants me to be better than him. I would like to please him and make my uncle proud and I do really want to try my best at being his prodigy.

Sunday, we went to the L.A. Zoo. It was fun, although I got kind of sick of the walking. I saw an elephant, a tiger, a rhino, an orangutan, gorillas, flamingos, komodo dragons and a hippo! None of which you could find at my favourite zoo, Wellington Zoo. I got me grape and bubblegum shaved ice and boy is that shit good.

After the zoo we went to my Papa's long lost cousin's place in Glendale, CA. Teeny tiny apartment with TFC. I laughed at how pathetic Filipino television is. Then by the time 5 o'clock came around it was time to bid Au Revoir to the California whanau and head on home to stingy 'ol Vegas.

I stole some red bull out of the cooler which caused me to naturally, need to pee, and so we stopped at this rusty, empty, old gas station off the motorway. It looked exactly like ones you see in the movies where the shopkeeper is some estranged pedophiliac psychopath who knocks out lone travelers and uses them to shoot Saw 6 in the basement. Yeah, something like that. But it wasn't and I got out of the bathroom fine and bought me some Pringles and my papa got a hotdog (that pig) and then the shopkeeper (who was actually this strange chick who was on the right side of cuckoo) did something wrong on the money machine and made our Pringles and hot dog equal to a total of $243.57. It was funny. And then we left and the lovely lady wished us a safe trip. This made me sad for her that she had to work in this rank place all by her self where horny truck drivers could go urinate.

When I saw the heavenly glow of Vegas and the strip I remember thinking "Oh, Thank God. We're finally home" and then I remember being angry at myself for calling Vegas home when it obviously isn't. I'm still convinced that forever in America isn't too long and eventually we'll be going back to NZ but I know that America is permanent and that my way of thinking is the only thing that is temporary. I hope I'll get over it soon.


So here's the video. Which was taken at the beach in Santa Barbara I think. It was windy and cold. Perfect for me, really. Enjoy the pathetic attempt at trying to be artistic. Although I couldn't figure out how to make certain clips fast and like, yaknw super speed fast forward. Sucky sucky iMovie.

Ma, I'm sorry you got hurt by reading this blog. That post was not a "hate letter". It was my way of not exploding and staying calm. But, if you'd rather I went and yelled at you about fine. I don't write to you because I don't want to hurt you. But, you've read this now and obviously you've gotten hurt. I do aplogize but this is my way of staying sane.

everything should be fine and dandy,

ina

Around the school we go!

Footage right after soccer workout yesterday 10/20/08

Churr

Should give you a erm lets say "perception" of what this school is like.

Its only just like a bit of the school though. 

Even I haven't gone everywhere.

Be aware of that.

Oh and I'm all sweaty and dirty and rank from the workout so yeah, I look pretty indicent for this blog.

>.<

Enjoy.

Leave it alone.

I had a great day up until 10 minutes ago.

10 minutes ago Papa called me into the bedroom.

He was supposed to be taking a rest before he picked up Jorge.

He called me into the room and the laptop was on his big tummy.

Stupid conceited arrogant look on his face with a smirky amused one on top of it.

My expression was what mine usually is when he has that face. 

"Ugh you're such a loser that its funny" face with a bit of curiosity and a bit of WTFing.

Then I'm like "what?"

And he's smirking and making his face all chingy *hahahahahahahaha this soooo funny*

And I looked at the screen and saw my bebo page.

And he's just sitting there with a delighted face. 

What were you thinking about pa?

"Haha. I found your bebo page now. You can't hide anything from me do you know that? Haha. I'm enjoying ruining your life. I'm enjoying scarring it. It's not enough from me to keep you from everything you want to do. It's not enough for me that you do everything I ask you to. I have to know everything that's going on in your life because I'm your overprotective father who has no respect for you or your privacy at all. hahaHA"

What more do you fucking want pa?

You're reading this now aren't you?

Are you amused that I have opinions?

That I have a life?

That I can think for myself?

I don't like that you're going through everything I've tried so hard keeping from you.

I want to have something that you don't know about.

All these pages on the Internet are for MYSELF. Not for you or for mama or for anyone else that you think would give a shit. I think that you have no respect for my privacy whatsoever.

I'm just asking you to leave this alone. I think you hate that I've found a place where I can get a point across without your interruption.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't visit my blog anymore or my Bebo whatever else you've found.

Do you read my journal too?

Are you tickled by my pathetic lyrics? My angry words? My sad sad attempts to express my emotions?

I hate this. Get over it. LEAVE IT ALONE.

I need this privacy Pa.

I need it.

Did you know that didn't want you to read this blog and I was going to set it to private, but I didn't? Because I thought that you'd read all of this and understand how I feel. But you obviously don't. You think it's comical right? I don't. I just want this to be kept to myself and to people who feel that they don't have the authority to run my life.

Yeah, you're laughing.

I knew you wouldn't understand.

Just please, don't make me want to quit this blog.

ina

Sex on Fire

I want Caleb Followill.

I WANT HIM.

But moving on.

I keep forgetting what I was planning on blogging about. It's very very irritating.

Let me try it this way.

Monday: 

1st Period English II - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

3rd Period Algebra I - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

5th Period PE - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

7th Period Photo I - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

Tuesday:

2nd Period Biology I - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

4th Period Financial Literacy - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

6th Period Fundamental Math Concepts - Had an animated conversation about various things with a guy who plays paintball and has porn on his iPod

8th Period World History - Was told matter-of-factly and not in any flirtatious way that "You're very beautiful. You'll find an honest guy one day"

Wednesday:

1st Period English II - Missed 10th grade PSATs because I have 9th grade credits.

3rd Period Algebra I - Missed 10th grade PSATs because I have 9th grade credits.

5th Period PE - Free Period. Talked to Tania about "stuff", tried to get into the schools wi-fi via my fone

7th Period Photo I - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

Afternoon 3:30- 5:30 pm - Went to the soccer workout. Kinda enjoyed killing my thighs.

Thursday: 

2nd Period Biology I - Guy across from me wanted our lil group to play "the dick game" with him where you had to guess how erm "Large" his and other guys' dicks were. Using my ruler.

I refused to play but laughed through the whole thing instead.

4th Period Financial Literacy - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

6th Period Fundamental Math Concepts - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

8th Period World History - All period was highly entertaining. Got ambushed by the person in front of me and next to me

Crude questions and comments were directed at me.

"Are you still a virgin? Be honest with me"

"If my band gets a gig at this place I'll try to get you an invite. Would you go? No? Why not? 

Ohhh strict parents."

"What do you do at home? Babysit? Would it be cool if I came by your place while you were babysitting?"

"Have you ever been touched?"

"Who would you rather do it with? Mexicans, Black people, White people what? I'm Cuban, you prefer Cuban huh? *wink"

"Would you do it with him?"

"Would it you do it with me?"

"I'd HELLA do it with you"

Friday:

1st Period English II - Mr. Symmonds doesn't want us to use the expression "Gay" because it's totally offensive. "Imagine if your name was used as a bad expression. Like 'OMG thats so Bob" Use the phrase "Heterosexually Indicent" instead. I'm cool with it

3rd Period Algebra I - Cute guy right across kept smiling at me, and it's only good manners to smile back. XD

5th Period PE - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

7th Period Photo I - Nothing worth mentioning here happened.

                        

                THE END

And all of this was written with "Sex on Fire" on loop.

I think I was especially hormonal this week.

Still am.

Aaaand I don't think you really needed to know that.

Oh shit,

ina

             

Sometimes I think that I'm bigger than the sound.

I won't jump straight to the end.

But, I'm thinking you might know already.

Let me start with school events.

This past week at school has been spirit week. *&%*(*@$%!$%*. Yeah, spirit week.

On Friday there was an all school assembly out on the football field. As in, all 3000 and something hyped-up teenage students were out on the field at 7 fucking AM in the morning. 

I was not hyped-up. 

Thought I'd stay at home and sleep in even. But, I didn't want to miss this All American cliche thing. If, only for the experience. 

I should have stayed at home. I was cold, and lonely, sitting by myself while everyone else was la-di-friggin' GO SUNDEVILS-ing.

It was a sad thing really. I tried my hardest to look un-interested and not care that I was by myself. It's not like I don't have any friends. It's just I don't really have any friends. Not in this damned country anyway. 

Saturday night was The Homecoming Dance. Yuck. I remember the group I sit with in Biology asking each other if they were going to the dance. I noticed they didn't ask me. They probably didn't mean it but I'm sure they knew without realizing that I was definitely not going. Offended? Not really. I understood. It's not like I would've went if I could've anyway. 

Now, moving on to events that have happened at home, or at house. Whichever.

The week was pretty much spent worrying over whether Mama found this or not.

I knew she would've eventually. 

So, Saturday morning. After 5min checking bebo, blog and email I plopped myself down on the couch. Mama was in a reasonable enough mood. Not cranky or nothing. Just, reasonable.

She came down and sat down next to me all "let's be bffl's yeah?!" 

I was thinking "Yeah, no."

And after around 30 seconds of awkward arm clinging.

"I read your blog"

              

                            

 "Ohhhh Shiiiiiiiit"

From her end came questions like "Do you think I'm bitchy Ate?" and explanations like " I wanted to let you go to the soccer meeting but it was just short notice"

And from mine came answers like "Only when I'm angry Ma." and rebuttals like "I wasn't upset over that"

It was a harrowing confrontation, but not really a confrontation. Just awkward and a "I SERIOUSLY DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS TOPIC NOW OR EVER, WITH YOU" moment.

Seems the only thing she was agitated about was the fact that I cussed alot. Surprised that I know of such words? Please, don't be. If I know how to use the word "harrowing", I know how to use the word "Fuck". You live in America, either get used to it or get over it. 

She wanted me to stop swearing. I said they were words of expression.

She wanted me to stop swearing. I agreed and got my ass up to my room.

Then came a state of melancholy. I put "Cheated Hearts" on and just cried. 

I was upset about Mama finding this blog. 

The only way of ever getting a point across without interruption.

The only way to have an opinion in this house.

The only thing that keeps me sane.

The only place that let's me do my own thing.

The only way of getting how I feel out.

  How I feel about everything.

  Be it, my family, my school, whatever.

She found it and now I'm put off.

I don't want have a point anymore, or an opinion, or a thing to keep me sane, or a place where I can do my own thing or have feelings.

I DON'T WANT TO.

Especially after this morning when I overheard her talking to my dad about it.

And laughing about it.

I've been crying alot lately. Feeling depressed. Even before this. 

Now, tell me that isn't a conundrum.

wholeheartedly, 

ina

My Mama is _______________

I am typing this post very quickly and in a rush.

The past 3 days have been frustrating and depressing and GRRRing

My mama forbid from using the laptop for giving her "attitude" when we were arguing over a comment I made on wehateuniversityofbohol. It had several profanity's and my Auntie the _________ told my mama about it. *Hi Auntie. I love you.

So I'm not supposed to be on the laptop right now, no. But my mama has gone to drop off papa at work. I'm thinking I have around 30mins. Right after this I will clear the history and revisit friendster. 

I wanted to go to a girl's soccer information meeting after school today. I called the house during P.E. but no one answered. So, I left a message. My mama didn't get it and got quite bitchy when I told her that I called her and left a message. She said I raised my voice at her and had the "attitude" again and got bitchier still. Bitch. I don't know if she knows about this blog or not. There's definitely a possibility because the Auntie could've seen it and told my mama also if she did, she might as well be a Fucking Bitch also. 

I didn't get to go to the meeting because my mama was extra bitchy today and was in a tiffy to drop my dad off anyway. I was gonna go with a friend I made recently. We talk about stuff in P.E. and I found myself crying when we were resting from walking 4 laps around track because we were talking about our friends. I miss them. And you. Yes, you

I'm sure I have many more stories but I'm starting to get paranoid that mama will come home any minute and my ears will get boxed. 

I love this blog,

ina

*sarcasm

Don't Vote

 Ha!

Sarcasm. I love it

I experienced Sleep Paralysis last night, just before I fell asleep. I opened my eyes and couldn't move, I tried to yell out but couldn't. I tried what Beatrix Kiddo did, I tried to wiggle my big toe. HAHA didn't fucking work. I heard 10x10 by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs in my right ear, and heard very very loud pounding through my left. Then I saw blobby round shadows dancing across the wall and I think little black chupacabras running across my room. Don't know how since my floors covered with dirty clothes and lumpy things. LOL. Maybe one tripped.

Moving right along. 

What's the dealio with:

1)  NCLEX RN exams: Mama didn't pass. 

2) Affairs: A relative, that I really am fond of. I overhear stuff being said often, and I'm not too surprised.

3) www.wehateuniversityofbohol.blogspot.com : I enjoyed trolling this site, because of the fact that my family runs UB. My Internet addict auntie saw my explicit comments with a whole load of swearing. She didn't mind, just said to make my comments anonymous, but then, how can I get my views up?

4) Non-immediate family: I forgot about this one.

5) The Pros of the Internet: Jayo covered it

6) The Cons of the Internet: Specific family members being on it. I hope you never read this blog, you'll find out I know about sex, and swear alot and have an interest in guys. But if you do, don't mention it to me or I'll just start freaking out. We'd both be much better off not knowing.

7) The fear of people I don't want to be reading this, reading this: Number 6 pretty much covers it.

8) The fear of my parents reading this: Again, refer to Number 6.

9) More about freakazoid: He called me baby, I gave him a dirty look and made it clear to him that I feel nauseous just being near him. I don't think he'll be bothering me anytime soon. Oh, and his name is Angel Cordova. What a metro name.

10) The upcoming Killers concert that I really desperately want to go to: The one that eventually led me to write that post on the 26Th of September. Papa said I can go only if my cousin from Oregon comes down and takes me. I have a House of Blues gift card and everything, they'll be playing new songs it'll be my first ever time in a mosh pit, and first concert ever. You'd think if I was that desperate I could just sneak out. I wouldn't be capable of doing so.  Kuya Albert, just get your ass down here. You owe me a birthday present anyway. ;)

That's it.

I'm done

ina