Dear Eden 2,

So I left off to my auntie finding us canoodling in the corner right? Well, after she drove off, I just stepped away from him and started crying. If someone with a camera it would so have gotten about a million hits on tumblr. I was wearing a tank top and a very very long skirt and it was a windy day. My face was in my hands and I just know that D was standing there, feeling helpless. I could feel him, you know? Then I just looked at him and told him that I loved him and started walking back to my aunties house. When I got to the house, my cousin was there with the widest eyes and the most honest look of concern I've ever seen. She told me she tried to call D's cellphone when she saw my auntie coming out of the garage, but she didn't know his number. I just told her it's okay and my auntie told me to come upstairs to talk to her. Basically, she told me that she understood the whole boyfriend thing. She wouldn't tell my parents, but I had to break it off. I lied to her and said okay. I lied to her and I told her "He's not going to the same school as me next year anyway." She believed me, and told me that she's doing this for my own good. That's what they all fucking say though.

My baby brother just woke up and climbed in my bed. It's 1 am. I'll finish this later.

Dear Eden,

I don't know who else to write to, so I'll just write to you.

This year has been such a roller coaster. Like any other year then I suppose. Because I haven't really updated this blog much, I'll try to fit in the outlines of what significant things have happened this year. 'Cause I need to be sure that what actually happened my junior year, happened. When I'm older, I need to find this again and remember. You know, reminisce or whatever. I don't even know if I want to really recollect too much about this year though. But oh well, there has to be times like that in every body's life right?

So during summer '09, I didn't do anything. I'm not allowed to go out or hang out with friends, so I just either stayed at home and watched TV, did things in my room, looked after my baby brother, went out with my family, or went to my cousins' house. Luckily, they lived nearby and I could just walk over there whenever. That's what I did. I also took walks at night sometimes and met D. He would try to come at least once a week and we would hold hands and walk and talk and kiss. I didn't have a cellphone back then so the only way I would know he was coming over was by myspace. He would message me before he left and I would tell my mother I would just go out for a walk. Then I would meet him by the back gate of the compound and we would start walking and talking, and catching up. I remember just, the smell of him. It's very dry in Las Vegas and if you're outside long enough you begin to develop this smell. Like your clothes are burning. But D, he would always smell so fantastic. I would just clutch his arm and kiss it and smell him. I don't know what it is about boys scents, but it makes me go kamikaze. D's especially. Even now whenever I see him, if I ever see him, I smell him. He would catch me and laugh, and I would end up looking like the craziest fool, but he swears it's cute.

When my Junior year started, I was a little excited. I would have a boyfriend, and I knew people. I wanted this year to be the best I had. I remember the first day wasn't that great. Being the first day everything was chaos. Everyone was wearing their most dress code pieces of clothing. I got my new classes and I remember not really loving all of them straightaway. I didn't even get to see D until about 3rd or 4th period. It was very difficult finding him, and I'm not entirely sure if he was as excited to see me as I was to see him. Those first few budding months of a relationship are confusing, don't you think? Anyway, when I did finally see him it was only for a brief moment. I saw him walking in the hallway and I remember thinking "What the hell is he wearing?" right before I attacked him with a hug. He looked like a Black Scene kid with a mohawk. Goodness, I hate scene kids. So I'm not sure how much time we spent together that moment. It wasn't very long because we had to both get to class and afterwards he would be going straight home because he only had 4 classes that year. So, that was the first time I saw him that school year.

As the semester went along we became more close. He would wait for me before school, and walk me to class, and we'd meet each other in the hallway, kiss before class started, meet in the hallway, walk together, hold hands, and before he went home he would walk me to my 5th period class and I would see him after school before he went to Football practice. Our affair became one you would remember when you looked back in the yearbook you know? We were one of those cute couples, everyone knew we were together, everyone would see us holding hands or doing the most repulsively adorable things. Like, I would sniff his neck like a dog and he would squirm away laughing. Or he would give my butt a smack and wink at me while he was walking away. This one time, I told him my legs were tired and he hoisted me up and gave me a piggyback ride to my next class. Then he just plopped me down on my seat. Luckily it was right next to the door. I swear, I could have kissed that boy forever for doing just that.

Sometimes though, we'd get a little too excited around each other. Sometimes I'd be late to class, one time we were taken to the Deans office for PDA, during my last couple of days at Eldorado I didn't go to my last of my classes of the day altogether.

During the first semester I was involved in cross country. I only ran like, 2 races because I entered the season late and left early, but I enjoyed being part of a team again. Of course, cross country isn't exactly my cup of tea. Anything involving having to run more than a mile is never my cup of tea. But I figured, this would get me in shape for track, so I joined. I think it boosted my stamina, by a little, and I made a few new friends, and got closer to some old ones. Then after a few weeks of leaving cross country, I went to soccer try outs and intramurals. I made it into the team, although I didn't stay long enough to find out which one. I'm hoping it was Varsity though. It was funny because, when they posted up first cuts my name was there at the top, in bold, in a bigger font than all the other names, and with a * next to it. It said on the bottom of the piece of paper: "*See Coach Chatman or Pentsil." I had a feeling it would be because of this boyfriend of mine. The soccer coaches have a very strict policy about boyfriends. They are not supposed to exist during the season, and I'm pretty sure both of them knew about this cute interracial couple. They would constantly give me shit whenever they saw me with him in the hallway during tryouts, saying stuff like "If you really wanna play, you can't be with him." and when Coach P gave the speech about boyfriends to the whole team he looked at me straight on. Gosh, I was so sick of everyone telling me what to do about him. D was sick of it too.

The reason why I left Eldorado was because sometime around the end of summer my Auntie caught us on one of our walks. It wasn't the smartest idea. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was at my cousins house. I texted him using my cousins phone and told him I wanted to see him. So my cousin and I , we both went outside and just sat on the curb, and I just waited for his text saying he was here. When he was, I got up and asked my cousin to come with me, but she didn't want to. She was talking to her boyfriend on the phone also, who was in The Philippines or whatever. So I said, all right, then started walking. I met him, and we walked, and we talked, and we kissed and we held hands. We stopped and just stood for a bit by this wall thing, right around the corner from my aunties house. I was hugging him because he was about to leave and then we both heard the beep of a car. I swear, my heart dropped in that second. It was my auntie, she yelled "Your mom wants you home." Then drove off.

That was the reason why I left. But I didn't leave until first semester ended.

I think I'm done with this for now. But I need to finish, for my sake.

Soo.. Later gator,

Ina

TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

I want to be with him for the rest of my life, bu I also want to go out and experience other things, other people.

But I can't hurt him. I can't just have someone wait for me like that, what a terrible thing to do!!

Sometimes I wish that I could just let everyone into my life.

The ones that want to be.

This trust barrier issue has got to stop. I need to give myself a break every now and then. Sheez.

Happy 4th of July "everybody".

Love,

Lonely Ina

A dream.

I was in this house. It was pretty, and in suburbia. Judging from the looks of it maybe somewhere with leaves, and 4 seasons. I don't know, Oregon or something.

Anyway, I was there and Camilla Belle was there too. She looked beautiful as always, and she was hiding in one of the upstairs rooms while I was in another room downstairs. It must have been a 3 story house, or she was in the attic. Because I know for sure, that my room was in the corner of the second floor.

So Camilla Belle was upstairs, and I was just in my room, packing or folding clothes and she looked very nervous. I later found out that she knew somebody was after her, or trying to kill her. So I took this gun, from somewhere in my room and I gave it to her. It wasn't even a proper gun, it was more like a bb gun. I gave it to her and I stayed with her in her room. The poor thing just looked so frightened.

Then we heard this sound downstairs, and I looked over the banister and saw a man coming in with a knife. I yelled "Look, he's there!" and she shot the gun, and she hit his head and he ran out. So we were just getting over this for a while wondering what was up and then out of nowhere, Bruce Willis and some other guy who looked like Tom Cruise in the Tropic Thunder movie came running up the stairs and tried to get us. I closed the door and Camilla Belle backed up against the window frightened.

Tom Cruise and Bruce Willis were too strong for me though and they managed to bust the door open. I flew across the floor and they came in starting to grab Camilla Belle. I got up though and threw them both across a second open window and they were both just lying on the roof outside trying to get up. I closed the window on them and managed to hurt both of their fingers or something. So they were just writhing in pain on the roof and I quickly grabbed Camilla Belle's hand and we climbed out the other open window and jumped off the roof, onto the driveway and to the street.

We were just running through the street bare feet, holding hands trying to run away. I remember for some reason not really being able to yell for help either. But there were some people outside on their porches and they saw us. But everybody just seemed helpless.

I don't know about you but I think she's too beautiful to be saved by someone like me.

There is no food.

Don't you hate when you are just hungry and you think you have all this stuff you need to make somethng you're really ready to eat?

And you want to eat it so badly that you're even willing to make it instead of just grabbing something and grubbing. Even if it's something simple like a grilled cheese sandwich.

That's all I wanted really was a grilled cheese sandwich. I know we have the cheese and the butter and the pan, and I'm pretty sure we had the bread.

No problem, right?

No bread. I'm pissed.

Have a good night everyone.

Man, fuck tumblr.

It's damn addictive and I'm on it instead of cleaning my room.
LOL, jk I never clean my room.
But anyway, hey, it's summer. And just like last year I am stuck here at home every. single. friggin' day. I wish my parents would actually give me a freaking chance to go out and do stuff with other people other than them you know? Or my cousin, or family. I actually have friends and a boyfriend I can have fun with. But apparently, fun isn't allowed to be had in this family. Unless its forced.

I think I broke up with him.

?!

?????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

Hi, I'm Ina.

It's been a while hasn't it? I just woke up, from a 3 hour nap. It's 6 in the evening and my mama is about to leave for work.

We're alone for the night.

So, I've been thinking, about what the hell happened to my relationship with my boyfriend. It's just, he's like a bully now. He says mean stuff, when he' angry. Like, I know it's not right, I know I should leave him, but it's only when he's mad. Everything else is just peachy perfect when he doesn't get angry, but lately he's just convinced that I just do something wrong ALL THE TIME. I exactly don't know what to do. I should leave him, I should, but I'm just... Oh I don't know, it's stupid to say that everything is built around him. He has been factored to every single option I have after I graduate. He has been factored into everything.

I'll give it some time I guess. But if you have thoughts, let me know.

Nice to mee ya'll again,

Ina

the world is gonna end today what u gonna do? :D

Oh you knooooooooooow. :p

Yeah, your mom asked me that too.

fuck you

You wish. ;)

Yeah, your mom asked me that too.

To start off on a good note.

There is only 9 weeks of school left.

DeAngelo still loves me.

Thats about it.

On another note.

- I got 1 second slower in my 100m

- I got 3 seconds slower in my 200m

- I'm only running 1 event the 4x100 in the Track Classic this year.

- (Not even any individual events -_-)

- I miss being the best

- I have a C in Chemistry and a B in Technical Writing.

- I have fibrocycstic breast "disease"

Fuck that shit.

I hate being upset over grades. Tose aren't even bad grades. Seriously, I'm such a fucking whiner, I hate that I grew up being taught that I have to be the best at EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. 'Cause it just doesn't work that way.

I'm gonna fuck up at life.

I'm gonna fuck up.

I'm gonna be thinking fucked up things, and I'm going to be disspaointed ALL. THE. TIME.

Oh straw!

I'm not really enjoying this first week of Track.

It's not how it's supposed to be.

I know this is pointless, but seriously.

If I had been drinking anything when I saw this it would have came out of my nose at 250 m/ph.

finefinefinefinefine

It's strange but I feel like I'm closer to ending up somewhere I never thought I would be in 10 years than ever before.

It's cause I feel like something is going to bite me on the ass.

But it'll be okay.

I'll be okay.

I can accept whatever conqequences thrown at me.

Just don't hurt anybody physically.

Or emotionally.

Or spiritually.

Or kill anybody.

Yup, we'll be fine baby.

BLAH BLAH BLAH, PITY ME PITY ME PITY ME!

There's only a handful of things I hate more than people who fucking put pictures up of themselves doing the kissy face, or the peace thing, or posing however and captioning the stupidest, self-pitying, pathetic things ever.

• "x) Soooo fat EEEEEP"
• "God, I need to start on an all anchovy diet or something. ROFL!!! xD"
• "Ew look at that nasty ass greasy hair. >________<"
• "LOL! You can totally see half of my non-existent right boob. Anyone want to pay for my boob job?! Cause I totally need 'em!! HAHAHHAHA"

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

Or maybe when they take a picture of them after they've been crying, or while they're crying.

Who does that? Seriously?

Because I certainly wouldn't. That is probably one of the most attention seeking, non-slutty thing anyone could ever do.

Everyone has a a bad day, a horrible day, an I want to blow up the whole universe with a 9 inch long stick of c4 and shove that up humanity's butt 'cause everything is SO unfair day.

YOU DON'T NEED TO POST THAT DUMB ASS PICTURE UP.

But hey, whatever floats your boat or tickles our fancy. Maybe that attention whoring makes you feel better. Just don't expect no one to point out that what you are doing IS actually attention whoring and don't be mad when somebody does.

Those people that go say "awww poor thing whats wrooong?" either genuinely, honestly care, or doesn't care at all and just feels like they need to say something but secretly deep inside thinking you're a stupid peacock.

And I HATE when somebody does post a comment like"

"awww poor thing whats wrooong?"

and they go:

"Hahaha. Nothings wrong, just a horrible horrible life. I'm okay though seriously ;)"

FUCKING OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT O-FUCKING KAY BECAUSE YOU JUST POSTED A STUPID ASS PICTURE THAT OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE WILL WONDER ABOUT YOU STUPID FUCK!.

And your life's not that horrible.

Seriously.

It's not.

And you, I don't even fucking know you. Who the hell are you to insult me like that all slick like. You don't know half of what I'm going through, first of all, and secondly, you are not one to talk. You never fucking told your parents you were pregnant and just showed up with a big 'ol fetus in your belly one day. Oh, I don't really know that story too well, but isn't that what we're doing? Making assumptions?

I understand exactly what she's going through because I talk to her as much as I can and try to understand and try to help her, but she doesn't fucking give a shit what I'm trying to do. So fuck that too.

You're living in your own little fucking perfect world. What the hell are you doing on facebook so much anyway? Don't you have a job to go to? Don't you have kids to look after?

Stop freaking giving pointless lessons or lectures with slick little insults at me because that is really pathetic. Especially since you're like, 50 something. I don't know how old you are, I don't care, but it's a freaking inappropriate age to be insulting a 16 year old like me. Get a freaking life. SHIT. Go buy one at Wal-mart or something.

And FYI I'm focusing on my studies more than you know, I'm studying like a dog for my SAT's which I don't even have to freaking take but I want to because I want to go into a freaking great college one day. Fuck you for thinking I don't take school seriously, why the hell do you think I have a perfect fucking report card then.

Lol, "wise decision" my ass. Don't tell anyone what's a wise decision because YOU'RE not the one who makes it. Maybe she wants a boyfriend, God knows that girls a knockout, maybe she's even had more than me but you wouldn't go off on that would you because you knew her and you don't bully anyone you know.

Haha.

Yeah, a bully that's what you are. Pretty fucking pathetic seeing as you're middle aged. I don't need to act like you have seniority over me because I don't even know you and you don't know me and you go ahead and imply stuff like that.

God, you should know better.

I'm not offended just dumbstruck at how pathetic and deplorable you are.

Grow up.

Or something.

Shit.

,Ina

Tell me, what scares you? What is it that annoys you, and vexes you, and makes you mad and angry and frustrated. What is it about this relationship that transforms you into a perfect example of a complete and total asshole.

HUH? TELL ME.

Because I am so sick of your overeacting SHIT.

*sigh. I just don't understand.

I'm happy when I see him and I try to share with you how happy I am and how grateful I am but you seem so pissed that Im happy and go all being sarcastic.

What the fuck is that shit?

I'm trying to get you to understand. But you choose to stay being a stubborn ass.

So nobody's happy.

And I bawl like a screaming banshee, and I throw tantrums, and I punch holes through doors.

I need to get emancipated or something.

This shit is not good for me.

Look, I'm scared.

I've recently just registered to take the SATs. Which is, the NCEA equivalent for America. Which are exams that Colleges or Universities use to determine wether you're bad-ass enough to be in their school or not.When I think about it, that is one step closer to college. I'm going to tell you right now, the idea of college is fucking terrifying. Especially when where I want to go isn't everything I want it to be and isn't located on the side of the country I would like to be in.

Here are my target Universities:

1) Stanford University

I know, I know it's a long shot but hey, the experts say that I should have 3 "reach" schools, 3 "match" schools, and 3 "safe" schools in mind. So you can consider my first three the "no way in hell are you going to get accepted Ina, you stupid unprepared fool" schools. =)

Stanford has the leading Department of Psychology in America. Yeah, suddenly I want to be a childrens Psychologist now. Which I think is ridiculous, because thats 8 years of school, but I cant help but WANT it. Ugh. Stanford has a 13% acceptance rate. *sound of Ina's head pounding on the desk*. It's in California, and I really don't want to live in California. I prefer to live somewhere with 4 seasons, which is pretty ironic seeing as I live in the freaking desert.

2) University of California- Berkeley

Another reach school. 23.9% acceptance rate. Number 9 on the top 10 Psychology colleges. Still in California.

3) University of Chicago

I really, really like this one.

I've decided not to go to college straight off the bat.

Yeah, thats right.

Track Time.

It's that time of the year again.

The sun rises to say "hello" at 6 in the morning.

The pink tulips I bought from Walmart open up for me and turn violet.

The fog is floating down to settle on the 10 mile road of Boulder Highway.

This can all mean only one thing.

The new Track season is upon us.

Dun dun duuuuuuuun

Yo, lover.

They really just want to watch each other sleep.

"So we gotta go now baby, uhm, I'll call you later okay, I want to talk to you before I go to sleep. =)

Okay honey, I love you, Happy New years. :)

... Matter of fact, I'll just call you when New Years comes.

Really?

Yeah, why not? =)

Okay.. :), Well you better get going.

All right baby, I'll call you later, I love you.

I love you too. "

So New years for me was really not that eventful. It was just me, my Mama, my brothers and my Tia Nora at home. With all these delicious scrumdidlyumptious food my Papa cooked for us before he left for work. He works at a burger joint at The Strip during New Years and still manages to cook all these wonderful dishes for his family instead of sleeping. What a trooper.

(This looks better the right way up)

So we just ate, and talked, and watched TV and played Left 4 Dead. Tia talked the most, if there was a medal for the most talkative person in the world she would get it, no arguments about it or you'd get a story about some time when she was in Venice if you did start an argument.

Zac fell asleep eating puto wearing his little striped elf pyjamas.

So New Years came. We greeted each other with shouts and jumped (although I tried extremely hard not to). Then my butt vibrated. LOL. I stepped outside so "I could go watch the fireworks on The Strip" But really, I stepped out to answer my vibrating butt.

It was a nice talk, I felt overwhelmed somehow that I started tearing up.

Fucking have a grip on yourself Ina.

>______<

So I woke up the next morning, feeling drowsy as a mofo. I don't know why but I wanted to look outside because I expected the word to look different. Maybe because it was a new year. A lot changes in a minute.

Anyway, this post is late. Happy New Year everybody. =)