Life has been a wild ride. With all of the ups and downs, I'm still thankful for..........
^^^^
I don't think that's anything I would really start with. But Franklin wanted to give me a prompt because I was supposed to start writing 40 minutes ago. Se we have to start somewhere.. He is being the support I never thought I would get, and more.
It has been back. It has never gone away, but naturally, predictably, unescaping-ly, here you are again. Throughout my 5 week break, I was fooling myself. I always knew, throughout the year, never left alone, always busy, that when I was truly by myself, it was my companion- I was never really alone.
Easily overwhelmed everyday. So many things going that I am just tired of I'm just tired of I'm just tired of. On top of schoolwork which has me buried 10 feet deep already, there is also the reality of life. I don't know why I even bother writing it down, I've written down my responsibilities on a piece of paper hoping letting them out will reveal the secret to solving them or at least highlight my ridiculous and over-dramatic reactions. If I write them down here, does it make them that more real? And even so, what difference does it make? The feelings are the same, the tar stays in my chest, I can't suction and scoop it out because I am drawn to this world.
Depression is.
Depression is.
Depression has. no need for definition. or explanation. or analysis.
The more I have tried to figure it out, the more it digs in deeper. The more I have learned and taken the initiative to grow with experiences and interactions every single day, the more I am sucked into an alternative universe. There are so many fucking growing pains, I don't know how much more I can go on and on about how I truly don't think I can handle it anymore. I have been there before, I have gotten out of it before, I may very well most likely will get out of it again but......................................... how................................... who.. what when where........ how
What is the point.. truly of striving to grow everyday but finding resistance from my damn fucking self at every turn. I'm so angry. I'm so fucking angry that it's me and it's here. I want to help everyone, so much, but I can't get past my own fucking self.
I have stopped writing. I had hoped this would be better and the words that revealed themselves would be more introspective and inspiring and uplifting but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be happening today. Perhaps another hour.
